When We Get Home...

As we get ready to come home and welcome Lottie into our family, we are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. We are so fortunate to have such loving and involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown to us as we have made this journey. We’re thrilled about bringing Lottie home!

There are some things about parenting an internationally adopted child that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that are different. Lottie will need a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact our daughter’s beliefs and behavior when she gets home. These include how much nurturing she received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care, and her unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders, and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers she has ever known. Adoption is a traumatic and scary event for any age child whether they are newborn or 10 years old. They’re being removed from all of their routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help Lottie feel safe and learn that we are her parents, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.

When Lottie gets home, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Lottie needs to learn that we are her parents. She needs to feel nurtured and safe. She will not be used to having parents to love and care for her.

Lottie and I (Gloria) will be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping our lives very boring at first, we’ll be helping Lottie feel safe. This does NOT mean that we do not want visitors coming to see our little one for the first time. We will just have to limit it a little so it is not overwhelming. I know a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. That will be wonderful and touching for us to see so many familiar and supportive faces when we arrive. We just can’t pass Lottie around for everyone to hold and we will have to be mindful of overloading her with new things and people. We know you’ll all want to hug, kiss, and help spoil our new daughter, but it is recommended that we be the only ones to do that at first to improve her chances of attaching strongly to us. Until we feel Lottie has attached and clearly knows we are her parents, we will need to feed, change, and take care of her. I know that missing out on some diaper changes will disappoint many of you. Have no fear – there will be many more once she becomes comfortable at home! :)

As strange as it may seem, internationally adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate affection” and can mean that they haven’t really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that our daughter has attached to us if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her and hold her without searching for her mom or dad. We are so excited and can’t wait to bring our daughter home...things are just a little different when you are adopting a baby from an international orphanage rather than having a biological child. She will be adapting to a lot of new things…new parents, new family, new home, new foods, new time zone (totally opposite of what she’s used to). That’s a lot to swallow at one time.

We appreciate your understanding in reading this. More than anything, we ask that you pray for us – that Lottie would attach to us and adapt to her new surroundings quickly and smoothly! Thank you so much for your love and support during this exciting time!